Friend Like Me
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: What if the Genie from Aladdin was actually a girl? ...Chaos would ensue. (I own nothing.) Totally based off of Aladdin Jr. AladdinxGenie friendship, crack pairing for JasminexAladdin.
1. Chapter 1

"Now then, your wish is my command, yada yada, you know the drill, so shoot!"

"..."

"Do ya have a name, kid?"

"..."

"Kiiiiiid?"

"..."

"Hey, kid!"

"..."

"It's rude to stare, kid."

"..."

"Hello?"

"..."

"HELLOOOOO!"

"Huh? What?"

"Finally," the girl groaned. "What's your name, kid?"

"My name... oh, um, Aladdin," the boy answered sheepishly.

"See? Was it that hard?" the girl asked with a beam. "You can just call me Genie."

"Genie?" Aladdin wondered.

"Well, at least I remembered my name," Genie shot back.

"..."

"Don't go doing that again," Genie groaned. "If I see another ellipsis I swear to Allah that I'm gonna faint."

"..."

"Ya don't talk much, do you?" Genie wondered.

"..."

"Anyway, like I said, you've got three wishes," Genie exclaimed with a grin. "You know, so, what is it ya want? Money? Camels? More money?"

"Wait, you mean-"

"Finally," Genie groaned. "Man, for the protagonist you sure are slow." She rolled her eyes mockingly but she was still smiling.

"I don't-"

"Maybe I should explain?" Aladdin sat there patiently.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well, aren't you gonna sing or something?" Aladdin wondered.

"Nah, Disney owns the lyrics," Genie said, picking at her fingernail.

"Oh. But can't you just use your magic to get the rights?"

"Can't use magic for myself," Genie enlightened. "All for you, boss."

"Not even a little?" Aladdin wondered.

"Nup."

"Well, that must suck."

"Darn right, kid," Genie said with a scoff.

"Why do you keep calling me 'kid'?" Aladdin wondered, exasperated.

"Respect your elders, kid. I'm like, thousands of years old," Genie said with a grin. "Don't I look great for my age?"

"..."

"That's it," Genie groaned. "As soon I get the chance, I'm applying to be on the ABC TV show Once Upon A Time."


	2. Chapter 2

"You've got a friend in me," Genie sang. "You've got a friend in me!"

"Wrong movie," Aladdin corrected. "And I thought you couldn't sing because of copyrights?"

"Two lines aren't gonna kill anyone, kid," Genie said, kicking at a rock.

"Aren't we gonna get outta this cave so I can go have a makeout session with Princess Jasmine or something?" Aladdin wondered, exasperated.

"Whoa, slow down, kid," Genie said, making an exasperated gesture with her arms. "That's for after a Whole New World."

"So I am gonna make out with Jasmine, then," Aladdin said happily. Genie rolled her eyes.

"Kid, I already know the drill. Disney protagonist has to face a beast or a villain of some sort, is usually poor or sad from death of parents, finds chick and it's love at first sight, then they beat the villain and ride- er, sail off into the sunset."

"Sail off into the sunset?" Aladdin wondered.

"Yeah, I mean, Ariel literally did that," Genie mumbled.

"..."

"Don't go doing that ellipsis thing again, kid," Genie groaned.

"..."

"...Anyway, in case you're wondering, we're gonna have to get outta this cave someway."

"Then get us out," Aladdin prodded.

"Later," Genie said, picking at her fingernails.

"I bet you can't get us out," Aladdin said suddenly.

"I can," Genie said, straightening herself out.

"No you can't," Aladdin prodded.

"Yes, I can," Genie said.

"Then prove it," Aladdin said haughtily.

"Hey, kid, don't think I know what you're up to," Genie warned. "No free rides- er, no free wishes," she corrected, knowing her language had to be Disney-appropriate. "I mean, come on, I'm like thousands of years old, so I have tons of experience with people trying to cheat their way to get a free wish. But for the movie's sake, I'm just gonna zap ya outta here even though it's not a wish."

"Yesssss," Aladdin hissed, with a fistpump.

BANG!

"I thought you said you were gonna zap us out," Aladdin said, confusion evident in his voice.

"I know, but I like contradicting myself, maybe," Genie said with a grin.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, now what?" Aladdin wondered, playing with some sand on the beach.

"Duh, you're supposed to wish for the path to your princess," Genie said haughtily.

"Okay, I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall in love with me," Aladdin declared.

"Sorry, can't do that, I can't make people fall in love," Genie said, annoyed.

"It isn't my fault I don't know, I mean, you're the one who skipped 'Friend Like Me'," Aladdin shot back.

"Touché," Genie said with a shrug.

"Now how am I supposed to get the girl?" Aladdin wondered, sitting down on a rock.

"How about you turn into a prince and attempt to woo her that way?" Genie suggested.

"Not now, Genie," Aladdin said, absorbed in thought.

"Maybe we could dress you up and get camels and stuff, it would be fun," Genie prodded.

"I said not now, Genie, I'm trying to think," Aladdin mumbled.

"Maybe some purple peacocks?" Genie wondered.

"HEY!" Aladdin suddenly exclaimed, jumping up. "I have a brilliant idea! What if you made me into a prince so I can woo her?!"

"Facepalm," Genie groaned.


	4. Chapter 4

"I now give you..." Genie paused, waiting for a dramatic drumroll.

"I now give you..."

Silence.

"I NOW GIVE YOU..."

Still silence.

"Fine, then," Genie huffed. "I now give you Prince Ali Ababwa!"

Drumroll.

"Really?" Genie groaned. "Great. Anyway, I give ya Prince Ali Abawa, which sounds suspiciously like Ali Baba and his forty thieves, but whatever."

"Lalalala," the crowd sang.

"Disney rights," Genie whispered in Aladdin's ear. "No one can escape them." she popped back into the cheering crowd.

"Hello, Princess Jasmine!" Aladdin exclaimed. "I am Prince Supercalifragilisticespialadocious!" he exclaimed.

"Wrong movie," Genie mumbled.

"Pardon?" Jasmine wondered.

"I mean Prince Ali Ababwa," Aladdin corrected.

"Phew," Princess Jasmine sighed. "For a second there, I thought that my handsome prince was influenced by Mary Poppins- I mean, get away from me, you creep, I am not in the least bit of a way attracted to you and your hundred monkeys."

"Ninety-five," Aladdin corrected.

"And he's a mathy person," the Sultan said in awe.

"Mathematician, sir," Aladdin said with a grin.

"Facepalm," Genie groaned from the predominant crowd. "I better not see any Fanfiction lemons between those two in the archive later on."

"Now, if I may, may I marry your daughter who I barely know and just met?" Aladdin asked, flashing the Sultan a toothy smile.

"Of course," the Sultan replied happily.

"YES!" Jasmine screamed, before pausing. "Wait... need to play hard-to-get. Oh, woe is me, I hate you, now go away!" she sobbed, before dramatically running back into the palace.


	5. Chapter 5

"Now what?" Aladdin whined. "She hates me now." He rubbed his shoes on the doormat.

"Don't do that," Genie said, hastily grabbing the doormat.

"Genie, it's a doormat," Aladdin mumbled.

"No, it's your friend," Genie corrected.

"A doormat is my friend," Aladdin deadpanned.

"Well, considering you two are sort of birds of a feather, yes, it is," Genie shot back.

"Not funny," Aladdin groaned. "Since I'm feeling weird right now, I'm going to promise to do something I might take back later. I'm gonna promise you that I'm gonna free you before the movie ends."

"Yeah, sure," Genie mumbled, holding up a wooden Pinocchio.

"Eugh!" Aladdin shrieked, backing away from the puppet. "Dude, get that away from me, it's terrifying!" Genie rolled her eyes and put it back in her pocket.

"Anyway, I think you should chase after your princess," Genie said.

"With what, though?" Aladdin wondered.

"Your charm?" Genie suggested. "Handomeness? Awesomeness? Pulchritudinous epicness? A doormat/rug? Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?"

"What was that last one?" Aladdin wondered.

"Nevermind," Genie said, waving a hand dismissively. "Anyway, use this," she said, tossing the doormat at him.

"Got it," Aladdin said happily, dragging the rug towards Jasmine's room.

"I dunno about the chick in blue, but I wouldn't want creepy princes in my room at night," Genie mumbled. "Well, then again, she has a tiger."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello, Princess Jasmine!" Aladdin said happily.

"Hello, Prince Charming- er, I mean, creepy dude, get away from me!" Jasmine corrected.

"Look at my rug," Aladdin said happily, holding up the dusty doormat.

"That's a doormat," Jasmine said, confused. Aladdin hugged the mat.

"Shh, you'll hurt his feelings," Aladdin said, hugging the mat.

"Okaay," Jasmine drawled. "Let's start over."

"Why, hello, Mr S- I mean, hello, person I hate," Jasmine said slyly. "I don't want to know what you're doing in my bedroom this hour at night, but... I will warn you, I do possess a rather feisty tiger..."

"What?" Aladdin asked blankly. "I was not expecting that. A Disney princess who isn't completely dumb? Wow."

"Why are you staring at me?" Jasmine asked after a rather long silence.

"Uh," Aladdin started. "Well... your ponytail is like GIGANTIC dude."

"Oh, you like it?" Jasmine asked, flipping her hair. "I whip my hair back and forth, I whip-" Aladdin clapped a hand over her mouth very quickly.

"Don't do that," he said hastily. "Or else copyrights will get you!"

"Oh no, not copyrights!" Jasmine pouted. "I mean... uh... go jump off the ledge, loser!"

"Waa!" Aladdin sulked. "She hates me!" He promptly ran over to the edge and threw himself over it.

"Aah!" he yelled. "Wait... I didn't want to die! This was a mistake! I'm too young to die! This sucks! I wanted to kill a dragon and wake up the Sleeping Beauty with true love's kiss, get human legs so I can marry Prince Erik, and make sushi out of Ursula! ...Wait, I think those are the wrong movies."

"NO, DON'T DIE MISTER S- I mean, DON'T DIE, I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT!" Jasmine shouted.

"Hey, not actually dead!" Aladdin said, standing epicly on his magic rug. "Want to go fly everywhere now, so we can make out after we sing a song about a Whole New Potato or something?"


	7. END

"Yay!" Jasmine said after the carpet ride. "I like you. Let's get married now!"

"Yay!" Aladdin said happily. "Oh, by the way, I'm actually that street dude from the market! But that's beside the point!"

"Yay!" Jasmine exclaimed. "I'm so happy that- wait. What?"

"Wow, that took you a while to pick up, and you're not even blonde," Aladdin observed. "I mean, uh, nothing, sweetie pie." Jasmine beamed and the two walked down to wherever they were walking down to.

"Do I even exist in this story?" Apoo- er, Abu suddenly wondered.

"Probably not," Aladdin mumbled. "Anyway, we're going to get married. Toodles!"

"Hey, what about me?" Genie pouted. "Aren't you gonna set me free or something now?" Aladdin shook his head.

"No, I might need that wish to defeat Jafar." Genre rolled her eyes. Aladdin held up his hand in defense, surprisingly, Genie screamed at sight of this.

"What? What is it?" Aladdin asked curiously. "Is there something behind me?"

"AAAAH!" Genie screamed.

"WHAT IS IT?!" Aladdin screamed back.

"Oh, you just put your hand up," Genie said casually.

"B- but... that's it?" Aladdin wondered, putting his hand down. Genie rolled her eyes.

"Uhh... hello? I'm Genie."

"Yeah, why are you scared of hands, though?" Aladdin wondered.

"Why am I not talking in this scene?" Jasmine suddenly wondered.

"I'm scared of hands... because... well, have you even seen Return of Jafar? In the song 'You're Only Second Rate', Jafar has the CREEPIEST hand ever," Genie said, as if it were obvious.

"..."

"Again with the ellipsis thing?" Genie groaned.

"Hahaha!" Jafar cackled.

"Hey, Jafar, wanna be the strongest guy ever?" Genie shouted. "Just wish to be a Genie. It's a snap."

"I don't trust you, but, just for the sake of it, I will!" Jafar shouted. "I WISH TO BE A GENIE!"

POOF!

"Oh, snap," Jafar groaned, he was now blue. "When I wished for that, I didn't want to turn into a living Smurf."

"Wrong color," Genie said, snapping her finger again. Jafar was now red.

"Grrr," Jafar growled. "Do I get a cool gold lamp?"

"No, you get this ugly black thing cus' you're a villian," Genie said simply. She turned to Aladdin and Jasmine. "Well?"

"I wish for you to be free!" Aladdin yelled.

"See ya, suckers!" Genie yelled. "I'm gonna go flirt with random dudes from Disneyland and there's nothing you can do ta stop me!"

"Wasn't gonna stop ya," Aladdin mumbled.

"Yay!" Jasmine said.

"Yay!" Aladdin said back.

"Yay!"

"Yay!"

"This is worse than that ellipsis," Genie groaned. "I'm outta here. Smooches!"

"..."

"..."

"Yay!"

"Yay!"

"...Made ya look!"

END

* * *

_**So that was probably the craziest thing I've ever written. Actually, I think I mainly wrote this 'cus I'm getting sooo tired studying the role of the Genie in Aladdin Jr. I really really wanna be the Genie! Luckily, the genie in Aladdin is a unisex role so he/she can be played by a girl or a boy. :3**_

_**Anyway, enough 'bout me, please review, favorite, and follow! It would mean a lot to me!**_

_**:3**_

_**By the way...**_

_**"..."**_


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